We’re looking into some ways to keep our outdoor cat warm, as she’s too preoccupied with the front door to go be cozy in the garage for anything but sleep, and won’t stop hanging out with the obnoxious neighbor cats, who’ve turned into her abusive boyfriends. This skanky, self-destructive behavior may have been tolerable a few years ago, but she’s so old now, it’s taking it’s toll. But she’s not only too wild and evil and gross to bring inside, (she likes to get into the cabinets and put her butt on the dishes ) but since the hillbilly flee blow-out that wrecked the house a few years back, claimed the life of a family member, (S.B.D.E. R.I.P.) and nearly killed the cat in question when she ran off and got lost before we evacuated, we’ve had to keep all animals out of the house.

Neither the cat, nor the house, have had fleas since, but if we brought her in, we couldn’t let her out, for fear of bringing her boyfriends’ redneck parasites in with her, and if she had to stay inside all the time, she’d go banana’s again, just like last time, as she insists on knowing all the juicy news, to the point of demanding constant trips in-and-out-and-in-and-out. We’ve been setting up a lounge area for her on the porch, but I’m always worried it’s not enough. I wish we had more money and could afford a heated kitty house for the little old hose-bag. I can’t believe how much they cost! Rackin’ frackin’ sassafras!

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