THE ENCYCLOPEDIA OF EVIL!

A

The Aesir Gods:

The Aesir are a race of ancient, Scandinavian battle gods. They include Odin, Thor, Balder & Hoth, Frigg, Loki and Mr. Roarke, from Fantasy Island. (Malcolm McDowell, not Ricardo Montalban.)

Avril Lavigne:
(See “Pop Acts”)

B

Barod Satann:
Also known as Satan, Old Scratch, and Tim Curry, Barod is the prince of the underworld, in a region known as Dithseddle, and is the son of Hades and Hel. You don’t call him, he calls you.

B

Brittney Spears:
(See “Pop Acts”)

C

Ceremonial Sacrifices:
This really takes me back…. A good old sacrifice. Materials Needed: Incense, Allspice, Altar, The TOASTMASTER 6110 Electric Craving Knife, A Pure sacrifice. Suggestions: Lambs and virgins are fine, for me to poop on! Come on, shorty! What you need is a man’s sacrifice! What you need is a goat!
(For entertainment purposes only. Read stuff for details.)

Celine Dion:

(See “Barod Satann”)

Cerberus & Charon:
Charon is the Ferryman to Tartarus, the land of the dead in Greek mythology, and Cerberus is his three-headed, butt-sniffing, hound watchman. Hope you don’t see them anytime soon.

The Chewbacabra:
Man’s best friend, the Chewbacabra was created in a laboratory by the boy genius Dexter, to scare his stupid sister DeeDee.

E

Evil Twins:
Although not an accepted legal defense in most states, Evil Twins have plagued humans as well as gods for centuries. Such as Romulus and Remus, Caster and Pollex, Darma and Greg.
(Darma and Greg aren’t twins, but they are evil.)

F

Fair Folk:
Masters of deceit and the no-look pass, the Fair Folk, a.k.a. the Fay, have been fairy-ing it up since the dawn of time. Their ranks include Leprechauns, Banshees, and Nathan Lane, and they reside on Small Monday Island, every other Tuesday.

J

Justin & Kelly:
(See “Pop Acts”)

L

Laota French:
The Happiest evil of them all! I’m the Tinker belle of villains and this gallery is my Fantasyland. Don’t touch anything! These are my things, dammit! (See also “RPG Mafia Family”)

Lillith:
As featured in the Book of Jewish Laws, she is the first of all vampires and the true queen of the damned. In your face, Akasha!

M

The RPG Mafia Family:
A group of role players, including myself, brought together by a shared love of humor, sci-fi, web design, literature, and dismemberment. (He-hee, I said “member.”)

M

Mormons:
(See “Osmonds, The”)

O

The Osmonds:
A race of vile demons have plagued mankind for centuries. Mormons. Mormons play host to the wicked LDS demons, who tried unsuccessfully to take over the planet. At he head of this conspiracy sits The Osmonds. Governed by their queen and her sexless worker drone, (Marie & Donny) they continue to terrorize this nation and destroy all hope. Confrontation: If you’re ever attacked by a Mormon Demon, simply assert your wit and individuality. Continue to oppose the King James Bible and support caffeine in it’s many forms.
Donny & Marie; may they chill in Outer Darkness.

P

Pop Acts:
The purest form of evil on the planet! Used to make Soilents Green through Brown.

S

Sarah Michelle Gellar:
(See “Pop Acts”)

Set:
Sometimes taken as a war god, Set was the son of a Nut, husband of Nephthys, and the brother of Osiris, lord of the dead. (So appointed when Set chopped him to messes.) He is professionally associated with Evil. DO not attempt to contact him.

T

Teachers, Jaded:
Used to make Soilents Red through Green

U

Utah:
Land of the LDS demons. (See also “Osmonds, The”)

V

Vampires:
If you’re walking around in the middle of the night and you see a guy with predominant fangs and a pasty complection making out with a pint of blood, chances are you’re dealing with a vampire. Suggested course of action? Run like the wind; these boys pack a nasty bite! Troubleshooting: You poked the bear? No worries- just haul to your nearest novelty store. If the holy water and wooden stakes don’t help, you can always say you died in a novelty store. Further Words: Vampires suck.